Hi all,
Please don't take this as "bragging" in any way but I know when I was not doing well it really helped to read about people who were recovered or on their way to recovery.
I wanted to share with you where I’m at right now because this is nothing short of amazing for me. I'll give you two dates.....where I was at 3 months off of Klonopin (was also on Parnate) and where I’m at now, 6.5 months since the end of my taper.
3 Months Off
- Extreme anxiety and only leaving my apartment to get food
- Sleeping 13+ hours a day
- Only activity during the day was using the internet
- Extremely tough time concentrating
- Horrible memory and cognitive difficulties
- Social Anxiety so bad when I did leave the house I would think everyone was staring at me and judging me
6.5 Months off (today)
- Jogging 4 times a week
- Lifting weights at a local gym 3 times a week
- Sleeping 6-8 hours a day (normal sleep pattern)
- Applied to graduate schools for a master's degree and studying daily for a very difficult admissions test called the GMAT
- Started a business accounting class at a community college and memory/cognitive skills are at least 100 times better than just a couple of months ago.
- Started to do Cognitive-Behavioral therapy for the Social Anxiety and it's really starting to help. Doing the therapy for at least 30 minutes daily
- Not yet "socializing" but have slowly started to go out more. Going to see movies once in a while and even not afraid to go to a restaurant (this was impossible even a month ago)
I just want to say this - if only I had known how much better I would have been today just a few months ago. It really looked hopeless. I’m far from being recovered. The memory and cognitive difficulties are there and the social anxiety is still bad but I’m thrilled with the improvement. At one point in August I was completely depressed and sleeping 14-15 hours a day. Thank you so much for this group because you really did save my life.
9.5 month Update
Hi all,
I'm so sorry I haven't checked in for a while. I am very excited with the progress I have made. July 26th 2008 was the last time I took a psychiatric drug (I was on Klonopin 3mg and Parnate for a long time...my story is somewhere here.)
I want to give you all an update. First of all, the further I get and the more months go by, the more I realize just how badly I was doing when I was drugged up on the psychiatric drugs.
At about 5 months off I was doing horribly. I could barely leave my apartment because of extreme social anxiety. I felt like a 500 pound weight was on my back, depression was horrible, I could barely use the internet, my memory was completely shot, I couldn't concentrate on anything....
At 9 1/2 months off, I am leaving the house all the
time. I am taking an accounting class at a community college and getting
an "A". I took a very difficult entrance exam called the GMAT and did
really well. I got into graduate school and am starting a graduate accounting
program in the fall. I'm also very confident in my academic abilities now.
My mind has completely cleared up - like a huge ice block has dissolved. I
can think clearly, my memory is back completely (although I can't remember too
much from the days of being drugged up on Klonopin/Parnate). I'm also in an
incredible Cognitive
Behavioral therapy group for social anxiety and that is going very well.
I just want to say to everyone - PLEASE HANG IN THERE. I
was about to give up. I thought that there is no way things were going to get
better. I was having doubts about this board and I was beginning to
think "well, maybe the doctors are right and who am I to be playing amateur
doctor"....without this yahoo group I would have given into the pressure to just
go back on the drugs and my life would have
been more of the same.
I'm also realizing more and more little things that were caused by the drugs....example: Stubborn acne that persisted into my 20s - gone, constipation that just wouldn't get better - now better and gone, horrible sexual side effects - all gone; emotional numbness - I can feel emotions again! (led to some horrible decisions because I just couldn't feel emotions such as understanding consequences. Nothing mattered..I was just completely numb); having a sip of wine and then looking completely drunk - as if I just finished off 10 bottles - well, I've stayed away from alcohol but I'm sure eventually I'll be able to drink lightly one day.
If there is anything at all I can do for anyone, please email me. I'll do anything for you guys.
Eilon