Hi folks! I used to come around here frequently when all I could do was spend my time searching for some sort of relief from the pain of benzo withdrawal. I wanted to come back and share my story at 10 months benzo free.
Peace and love to you all....
10 Month Update
How is life at 10 months off benzos? It is colorful - No longer drab or gray or dark and discolored. It is a daily re-awakening - A continual healing that opens up forgotten pieces of my life each day. Parts of me that I thought were gone forever - Parts that I grieved with tears and prayers everyday for several years. Life is now in the palm of my hand again - A mystery behind every door.
I have healed a great deal just in the past month. I am suddenly able to tolerate small amounts of caffeine again as well as small amounts of refined sugar. After not being able to even eat fruit for 2 years. I can eat fruit again without falling to sleep. I have had wine recently with no ill effects - but only with a good meal. I am able to tolerate much more exercise and work before tiring and life is extremely busy. I do still get fatigued and when I do - I get as much sleep as possible. My sleep has become restorative again and I actually wake up feeling refreshed about 80% of the time now.
There is no longer fear, anxiety dread or depression in my life. I am capable of handling daily stress fine. I don't think of withdrawal much anymore on the whole. I remember the time when it was all consuming and all I could do was shake my head in disbelief that it was happening to me and there was no escape. I remember the days of feeling so imprisoned by it. Now, there are far more things in life to think about and enjoy.
As far as healing goes - I would say I am 90% healed. The parts that are still lagging are my endocrine system. My adrenals are still recovering and I can tell when I am really tired that my thyroid is lagging because of the other symptoms that I experience along with it. I do expect to heal 100%. I am not there yet but I am pleasantly surprised at each new stage of healing that takes place. So, I have no doubt that healing 100% is every bit possible.
There are things that have gotten me through this:
- Undying Faith in God and myself
- Dear, loving friends and family
- All you guys
- Positive self talk - even when I did not feel positive
- A desire to live, love and laugh again
- Telling the fears that they were not really mine. Reminding myself, EVERYDAY, EVERY SECOND that this state of mind was all withdrawal. Cuz IT IS!!!
To all of you still tapering and feeling so helpless against this crazy, crazy circumstance, I will tell you definitively that YOU WILL RECOVER. The body gets smacked hard in withdrawal and recovery takes time. It is different for all of us - but recovery does take place and life resumes with all its splendor intact. Even better!
Peace to you all and love for the long haul.
Susan