Feeling bad, sad and not ever glad, I went to my doctor, for only he could save me.
Gave me these pills, Nirvana he said. Took them with glee, cause I was in need.
No problem will I have, I was assured , if I took the pills, then I would see!
Would become myself again and live life to the fullest. I saw not the greed.
The Pharmas to back him and I who revered him, he gave me the K., and I was saved!
I felt so elated, I felt so free, never had I been so clear headed. Oh, woe is me.
I took them for pain, I took them for sleep. My! My! Oh, how I misbehaved!
I was so calm, it was so great to be me, or so I thought. Is this the way to be?
My new life shortlived, my calmnest not real, I slowly began to reach for the light.
I saw through foggy brain a glimmer so small, that came from deep within.
Something was there, warning me! It showed me the way to try to make things right.
My body reacting, my mind numb from fright, I then decided, the games will begin!
I thought I was tough and oh, so bright, this chemical nightmare behind me for sure!
The bad dream began, it took but two days. It froze my brain and dimmed my emotions.
I became a monster from hell, someone else was living in me, something obscure.
The demon of anxiety fed on my numbness, it came at me when I had no notions.
It hit with a wallop, it hit where it hurts, it hit so hard that I wanted to die.
My mind in a whirl, my memory gone, I fought to be strong, I fought to hang tough!
This benzo support group I found, it was like a dream, a patch of clear sky.
Benzo blues are still here, my fears omnipresent. I will prevail, though it is rough!
By Robert
November 25th, 2005.
Why did it start, why was I so dumb? No questions did I ask.
He gave me the pill, it was to be great , I would be free.
Blind faith I did have, naive to a fault, in his glory I basked.
It felt so good, it was so nice, for once in my life, I would be me.
No more pain, inside and out, for I was now on the road to glory.
In doctors we trust we say with glee. Next to God they should sit!
Pills they dish out and we say our thanks, we won't have to worry.
All seems to get better until the day, with a ton of bricks we are hit.
Our body in pain, our mind numb with fright, we live in terror.
Existing is more like it, dying a gift, for we see no light.
We pray for the end, we wish to be dead, we pay for our error.
We want it to stop, we want it to go away. Please make it right!
Deciding to stop is an option they say. Can it really be so?
Some have no choice, having been left on their own.
No one believes them, no one cares, they don't want to know.
Left to themselves, they search for the light. They are all alone.
We do our best, we make a mess, a benzo group we have not found.
Our body aches, our mind goes numb, we hurt so bad, we want to cry.
We forge ahead with tiny steps, we look for solace. We stagger around.
Death in our soul, body a wreck, can we ever see a clear blue sky?
By Robert
December 28th, 2005
6 months in withdrawal from Rivotril.
For those good souls who went cold turkey from benzos.
We are genius from day one, we are all from a place that shines.
Human beings come from the great source that shows the light.
We all know that good we are, we must feel the power that binds.
The love we have for others, is what we need with all our might.
Being good is not a choice, being loving is the only way
For what we give so shall we get, a hundred times or more.
Wanting happiness is not enough, living it will surely pay.
Giving of what we have will bring things of plenty through our door.
If we want love we give love! Health we seek, think positively.
For what we see as the outcome, is what we get, I am told.
If living in peace is what we need, then spread the word instinctively.
Intention is the giver and that's the truth, we get it back by many fold.
By Robert
January 01, 2006
To give hope to those who need it.
Brothers in arms , benzo survivors must stay together.
For we have been there and we have suffered greatly.
Through thick and thin, through hell, forever.
We have been deeply wounded and we faced our reality.
Glimmers of hope faded so suddenly, as we cried.
The anxiety tried to destroy our will to survive.
We fell so low, we got back up, we have really tried.
No one knows how very hard we worked to stay alive.
The demon of withdrawal is so tenacious, so insidious.
We wake up one day thinking of being murdered.
What has happened? What has become of us?
Not knowing for sure why we are being tortured.
Benzo people of all sizes and shapes unite and rejoice.
There is hope of a better life for redemption will come.
For now we must pay because of a drug, not of our choice.
Keep the faith, for healing is assured for each and everyone.
By Robert
January 25, 2006
For those who are feeling better.
A magic one for this or for that, what a relief
One day your mind is clear then you are in disbelief
As you suddenly realize that it is in great discomfort
And tomorrow you are still looking for some comfort
Your yesterday and today have changed dramatically
So there you are at your wit's end, frantically
With what is left of your clarity looking for a way
In the turmoil of your mind consumed by dismay
Fearfully trying to put together a sense of being
But with your thoughts paralyzed and not seeing
The wonders of what is called our science unfold
Smoothly but then so ferociously as you were not told
That these magic potions would lead to your perdition
And put you surely in a hellish world of no sensation
By Terry on January 29, 2006 (Bob's sister)