Hi everybody!
I am writing this to hopefully let you know that we do heal from adverse effects of benzos and anti-depressants.
Like most of you here, I suffered terrible negative effects from them. I took these evil drugs for about 6 ½ months and quit cold turkey. I thought I was going to die. MORAL LESSON – take the time to taper slowly. I didn't realize the dangers of NOT tapering and so I had very troublesome and difficult symptoms to say the least. I didn't sleep (literally) for 1 whole year, obsessed about death and the afterlife incessantly, lost weight that was life threatening, lost my appetite, anxious, depressed, suicidal thoughts, derealization, hallucinations, etc, etc…
I made the biggest mistake of my life when I trusted a psychiatrist, and being a "good" patient I took all the prescribed drugs. It all started when we had a death in the family (my brother-in-law). I experienced death anxiety (my young children and I found him dead on his bed in my home). I was told that the benzos and anti-depressants will take the edge off. WRONG!!! It actually caused me to be anxious even more and made me lose sleep. Of course, I felt very sad and shaken by the death. But it's not me (not my personality) to get terribly depressed, and to lose my focus and desire to live. I'm usually very resilient because I have a strong belief in and connection to God who has and always been loving, and protected me all through my life. I also have a very supportive and caring family who are the center of my life. I was quite contented and very happy until the evil drugs. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why I was thinking and behaving like a lunatic.
Then I met people like Debra, and found this e-group which literally saved my life. Debra spent countless hours with me explaining what was happening to me. I kept asking her the same question over and over again. "Will I get any better, and if I get better - when?" She patiently reiterated that I will get better in time. My family suffered tremendously from this horrible experience. My children were ages 9, 3, and 1 when it all began. I could no longer function as a Mom. I drove my husband crazy. I annoyed my family and friends with my obsessive thoughts. I caused my loved ones enormous stress. This all started towards the end of 2003. It's now 2008. When I look back (which I don't particularly like to do), I can see how I'm so blessed that I survived such a catastrophe in my life. I am not 100% back to where I was before the drugs. But I can say that I am now enjoying life again. I understand that some of you may feel hopeless while your brain takes you to this place of misery and despair. But please just hold on.
Take it one day at a time. This too shall pass. There truly is light at the end of the tunnel. It truly breaks my heart when I hear people taking benzos and anti-depressants to cope with life's difficulties because I know the real possibilities of adverse drug reactions. But I learned that in life, there are no accidents. Even this seemingly dreadful experience that I went through actually catapulted me to grow spiritually and look at life differently. Now, I always focus on the positive and avoid the small insignificant "annoyances".
So, please – keep going, because I promise you that it does get better. The healing doesn't happen instantly, it may be slow – but again, you will heal. Just avoid stressful situations whenever possible. Eat healthily and be gentle on yourself. Avoid people who may not understand you fully at this time and cause you to suffer emotionally even more. Instead, get closer to people who are supportive and helpful to you. And the more you cling to the TRUTH that you are a perfect child of God, and that you are now being healed, you will heal faster. I can only speak from my experience. I meditated a lot. Although, it seemed impossible in the beginning, somehow it helped me find serenity. I always found peace in God. If God is something you can't relate to. You can still find calmness within by focusing on positive and uplifting ideas and thoughts. No matter how hopeless it may seem, don't believe it – not for one moment. LIFE HAS SO MUCH TO OFFER. You just have to believe it. Yes, the depression will stop. The obsession will fade away. And you will sleep calmly again. Just hang on.
Also, I would like to thank everybody who has provided me with answers and support especially during the most difficult times. Again, I can't thank Debra enough. She's always been very kind, helpful and supportive. Thanks, and thanks again.
Back then, I've always wondered if I will be one of the lucky ones to be writing here one day announcing that I made it, and hopefully be able to help people here and offer support... well, I'm here!
You're all in my prayers and God bless.
Lily