I thought I'd post my detox story so people who are thinking about going to a detox center/rehab can THINK AGAIN.
I had been on Klonopin (3mg) and Parnate (40mg) for many years. I was originally prescribed them for depression and social anxiety. I was going to do a slow taper and I knew I should do a slow taper but the withdrawal was going to be bad anyway and I thought I would suck it up and get it over with - KNOWING it would be bad, but NOT knowing it would be like (literally) going to hell and being stuck in hell.
On my first day in rehab I was humiliated but did not think much of it. Bags searched, clothing searched, anything with alcohol taken away (even hair gel) and lots of interviews and intakes. I didn't seem that bad at first although I was a little suspicious when they immediately threw out my bottle of Klonopin. It was okay I thought because these were medical doctors and they knew my story. WRONG, for all they knew and cared I was taking 30 pills a day, they did not care. They gave me a 7 day taper of phenobarbitol and told me the parnate would have to be weaned off in 4 or 5 days. For some reason I knew it would be a little fast but I thought if I just sucked it up I would be fine in a couple of weeks.
The first couple of days I felt really drugged up but not too bad. The phenobarbitol felt like getting a little drunk, the feeling of being slightly euphoric, a little off balanced but not bad.
Then the hell began, they treated me pretty much like you would treat a piece of garbage .I absolutely felt like I was in prison. I was expected to be up at 6am, dragged myself to group meetings, AA meetings, expected to socialize no matter how I felt. I was yelled at and told I was no good and I would "be back on the streets" (I was a successful mortgage underwriter who was never on the streets but the ex-addict counselors ALL treated every single person as if they were selling crack on the streets before they came there) and after 4 days I told them I wanted to go home. I had enough TORTURE, they said NO WAY. The doctor, talking to me like I was something between a person who sold crack to kids and a 3 year old retarded child, told me that there is no way he would let me go and that if I wanted to leave it meant I was suicidal since I could have seizures. I asked if they could just give me enough phenobarbitol so that I could get home safely and I was yelled at (YOU’RE NOT A DOCTOR...THAT IS YOUR ADDICTION TALKING...WE'RE DONE HERE).
They called my parents and told them every single bit of confidential information I had told them. They also lied and said I was "talking to the walls" and that I "had not eaten in 2 days". I became scared and hostile. I had severe agoraphobia/social phobia and could barely leave my room. I also had severe DP/DR and felt like I was in hell and in a nightmare I could not get out of.
It got worse, the doctor, after 10 days, finally wrote an order to have me committed to the psychiatric ward of a local hospital for a 72 hour hold for (and this is a complete lie) "refusing to eat for 2 days" and being "a danger to myself". The hospital gave me a small dose of Klonopin and kept me there for 3 days. The klonopin got me well enough to fly home (I had flown from California to Florida). I got home and was a complete mess.
I have the trauma of detox/rehab to get over along with the horrible and severe withdrawal I am in right now. After all I went through, I saw one of the "benzo-wise" doctors and to my shock, he told me "you know, its not an addiction if you need the drug”, wow!
So here I am, 2 months from the December 6th- December 19th 2006 hell of rehab and I had to move in with my parents in their small apartment. I was making a very good salary and had a very very good job and career. I now have nothing and I can barely leave the apartment. I have managed to go for a little jog in the past 2 days which is encouraging. The DP/DR is really bad still and the worst part, worse than the worst symptoms is NOBODY BELIEVES ME. "The drug is out of your system so you should be ok" - I hear that from everyone. I'm fighting to be rid of these horrible horrible drugs yet they are being pushed at me. I would rather die than take another mind altering drug..EVER...
Disclaimer: The information contained in this website was not compiled by a doctor or anyone with medical training. The advice contained herein should not be substituted for the advice of a physician who is well-informed in the subject matter discussed. Before making any decisions about your health or treatment you should always confer with your physician and it is always assumed that you will do so.
Last updated 21 July 2020