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About this site

Barbara

 

Although I do not post here of late, I regularly read messages.  It continues to give me strength to do so. I was cold turkey’ed in 7 days from benzos in a locked psych unit in March 2005. I went to a rehab for 28 days after that.  I was racked with panic, anxiety, was constantly crying, experienced intense muscle spasms, blurred vision, tingling in my arms and legs, muscle weakness, feeling like I was walking "on the moon" and way too much more.  I did not have this group to help me ‘reality test’ what I was going through then.  The staff and patients at the rehab thought that I was complaining in an effort to seek attention, making up my symptoms and crazy.  After I left the rehab, I checked myself in another psych unit.  I did not know what else to do at the time. I honestly thought that I was having a psychotic break.  Why else would I have been experiencing such strange and horrific symptoms?

About 6 or 7 months ago, I found this site. While my withdrawal symptoms were all just about gone by then, it was enormously helpful to finally know that what I was living through was a result of stopping benzos.  I basically knew that by the time I came "here" - however to read about others and hear from the moderators and read their posts to others was and still is such a confirmation to me.

In 2002, I went to my first rehab.  They withdrew me from benzos and opiates in 16 days.  When I left, I was equally as nuts as I was 2 years ago. And needless to say, I had no clue as to why. I did not know I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms! And neither did my husband. And so, my husband asked me for a divorce and told me not to return to the company I had begun and grew and ran with him. I was simply too weak to stand up to him. I began taking benzos again because I thought that I could not possibly live without them.  I thought that I had some type of permanent damage from benzo use and abuse and that I must have, at the very least, had a severe anxiety disorder.

I am not writing this with self pity, not at all, because now, I DO KNOW. And most of all, I am okay.  Yes, I feel low at times.  But I am clear and not particularly anxious.  I do not need to take drugs anymore! I am not living in withdrawal anymore.  Nor do I need to take benzos. I do attend AA and it helps me.  I get to live life and I have yet another chance. Two years ago I wanted to die. I am blessed and I am one lucky camper.  

Thank goodness for this site. There is a way out and here people can find out about it. There is hope.  Thank you to everyone - those who are willing to share their pain - as well as those able to share their experience!

In loving kindness,

Barbara

 

 

Disclaimer:  The information contained in this website was not compiled by a doctor or anyone with medical training. The advice contained herein should not be substituted for the advice of a physician who is well-informed in the subject matter discussed. Before making any decisions about your health or treatment you should always confer with your physician and it is always assumed that you will do so.

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Last updated 22 July 2015